Saturday, October 31, 2009

America's Least Useful Blogger on America's Least Useful Appliances

I guess it's like the goths picking on the nerds: You've always gotta find someone/thing a rung down, eh?

There are a lot of useless kitchen products out there. I find it hard, for example, to imagine anyone making quesadillas often enough to justify a quesadilla maker. The electric egg poacher also seems like it demands an improbably high, and frequent, desire for poached eggs, as well as a worrying inability to heat water in a saucepan.
Megan doesn't like quesadillas or poached eggs that much, so neither do you.
But this is absolutely the least useful appliance I have ever seen: the electric martini maker, which can provide them shaken, as well as stirred. If you are not strong enough to either shake, or stir, your martinis, you probably already require a home health aide who should do it for you. If you can lift the bottle to the rim of the cocktail shaker to pour in the gin, you can stir it around a little before you guzzle it.
Megan is an expert on martinis.

Dear Megan,

For future reference, when sharing something funny on the internet, less is more. I have provided this handy template to assist.

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Hey, check this out! Wild huh?

<optional short description of link>

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'Cause the internet is into the whole brevity thing. Also, you're not that funny.

Love
Toast

PS I'm aware of the ridiculousness of my requesting pithiness, so fuck you you stupid asshole for pointing out my fucking flaws. This is a blog about how much Megan sucks ass not about how much I'm not really any better and should just STFU, stop trying and go kill myself. That is another blog entirely.

11 comments:

spencer said...

You wouldn't happen to have the URL of that other blog you mentioned, would you?

Nate said...

I have to admit I'm with Megan on the electric egg poacher, especially considering the original list price of the thing was two hundred thirty dollars. It would take a clinically significant fixation on poached eggs to justify buying it.

NutellaonToast said...

In all fairness, I am, too. In most cases I try not to judge because there are a lot of activities that have seemingly pointless expensive gear that is in the end worth it. Egg poaching prolly isn't one of those.

Still, one is tempted to apply "Megan's Law" which is that Megan is always an uniformed idiot and should warn her neighbors before she moves into the area because she is dangerously stupid and always wrong. Thus, egg poachers are not only completely worth it, but will likely stave off the energy crisis and end world hunger.

Clever Pseudonym said...

You can get stovetop or microwave egg poachers for $20 or less and those methods are considerably easier than using boiling water. There's an entire class of kitchenware that caters to the rich but stupid by obscenely overpricing cooking gadgetry. There are people who will buy something that costs much, much more than it's worth just to feel good about themselves for being able to spend that kind of dough. I suspect Megan is one such idiot.

NutellaonToast said...

Didn't she have a post about 200 dollar knives or something once?

Anonymous said...

Well, quality knives actually are expensive, and unlike overpriced "gadgets," they're actually worthwhile and useful, assuming you know what you're doing. It's safe to assume that Megan does not.

D Johnston said...

Actually, I think it was a 200 dollar knife (singular). It was in last year's "shopping guide." Maybe if we're lucky she'll do it again this year - just find this year's model of all the crap she talked about last year.

Dragon-King Wangchuck said...

re: electric egg poacher.

Two words. Eggs Benedict bitchezzz.

NutellaonToast said...

That was three words, thought one of them was misspelled so I guess it was technically only two words

CaptBackslap said...

Niles: Now I remember ordering this; it's the breakfast I always have after a night of passion.
Lilith: Eggs Benedict? That's very rich.
Niles: I only have it once a year.

Marion Delgado said...

Actually I make quesadillas on my flat iron tortilla pan, which I use for crepes, too. What IS a quesadilla-maker?