A Very Free Market

Megan is a consumer. Doesn't produce much of use, but she can buy stuff.

The word on the street from my shadowy hipster associates is that the thing to do is jailbreak the phone and then ebay [sic] it internationally to some country where the iPhone is not yet sold through a carrier. In those fabled lands, a jailbroken iPhone 1.0 is probably worth almost as much as you paid for it.

Oh, please. McM is too scared to hit the "streets" w/o a gun, & we doubt that iPhones are a big part of "street" activity. (Maybe "shadowy hipster associates" think they're bad, w/ their "jailbreaking" iPhones, but it's not "the street.") Do screw up the iPhone & sell it overseas, though, so your victim won't be able to get his/her money back. It's the American way.

Elements of Style©:
Dep't of Redundancy Dep't.: If I e-bay it, say, nationally, instead of "internationally" to "some country," does that make "some country" the United Snakes [sic]?

"Fabled lands?" Megan, Megan, Megan, B. A. in English from a (lesser) Ivy, perhaps a few weeks of a comedy course would help. That should be something like "benighted zones," or "sadly deprived nations," or "lands w/o hope," anything but "fabled."

Imaginary one-sided conversation:
"Megan, honey, you know we love you, but what are we going to do with you? We invested all our money in the Hoity-Toity Day School, and you couldn't get in anywhere better than Penn, & then we went further into debt to get you an M. B. A. so you could get a job, and really the best thing you've done is answer the phones & run the copier at "Ground Zero," and you still don't have any prospects of giving us grandchildren, and please don't tell me you're sleeping with any of your shadowy hipster associates, [she sobs] are you?" [Here Mrs. McArdle begins to weep quietly as Megan reaches for her & the lights go down slowly.]