The Commute's a Killer, Eh?

It's 9:11 am, so we can charitably assume Megan's been burning the canola oil for at least 5 minutes. Better take a break.

Hahahahah. Mock iPhone advertisements! And the guy is stalking his ex-girlfriend! And there's an "ap for that!"

I must tell the whole internet!

I Like Pancakes Too!

Perhaps not as much as Megan does, but I don't "nest like the wind" either.

And look, Megan has a touching, if unoriginal sort of moment where something she's read before strikes her as usable & applicable, & then she blows it, either by a typo or by being an Internet smart-ass. That's the trouble w/ the web, you type "teh" when you honestly meant "the," & no one can tell the difference. That's why it is vital to spell check & proof-read one's work, young lady.

And speaking of "work:"

The ability to quickly lay hands on OMB information is a skill that has taken me years to hone, and provides substantial professional advantage.

[Cough, cough] "Professional?" Tall econo-blogging is a "profession?" ["Coughing" turns to fits of laughter] More work:

I'm working from home today, which is a holiday at the Atlantic, and MLK and civil rights are pretty much on nonstop loop on CNN. This morning I was thinking about the white man who tried to take Rosa Parks' seat.

Can you imagine? I'm confused. Did The Atlantic tell all employees to stay home, but work from their laptops? Is this Megan demonstrating her contempt for Martin Luther King, Jr., by working on the day dedicated to his memory? The less cynical among us (besides being suckers) will say: "Oh, no, she posted MLK's 'I have a dream speech.'" And she did. And the reaction that engendered? (Two of five, below:)

I'm going to pee in the punch here. To say that MLK was an advocate of civil rights is not really true. He supported civil rights for black people in the United States. He also actively and tirelessly campaigned for the establishment of a Marxist-Leninist dictatorship in Vietnam, with all the death, suffering and oppression that entails.
Posted by Jim | January 19, 2009 10:44 AM

Yep, the cong had us up against the wall for sure, whoopin' on us six ways to Sunday, you bet.

Just like the way Hamas practically obliterated the IDF. When we [sic] we learn that we can never, ever win?
Posted by Obama's Seat | January 19, 2009 1:39 PM

And, doubtlessly unintentionally, Megan reveals that the the greedy, rapacious nature of our sordid species (& especially the current AmeriKKKan sub-species) makes libertarianism & other forms of oppressive selfishness completely un-workable.

The libertarians will hate it, I predict. But voluntary embrace of duty is the health of a small state--it's when people won't care for the collective that the government starts making them do it.

Of course, her very embrace of the concept of "duty" reveals how libertarian she is. K-Mart psychologizing tells me that if she gives up on the glibertarian stuff she might be able to cut down on the comfort food & syrup.

Times, Well, Spent

McSleuth has found a minor instance of plagiarism. Apparently a single paragraph in a Times London article was lifted from a Fortune article that had been printed about 6 months prior. The paragraph contains some details about a surgery Steve Jobs underwent.

OK guys, calm down! I know, it's a crisis, but we need to stay focused. I, too, was terribly hurt to see that a writer pilfered a negligible amount of uninspired prose that contain readily available factual information. Fret not! Megan knows how to treat the broken heart; with humor:

It's possible that this is not plagiarism--that David Rose is actually Philip Elmer-DeWitt's alter ego and thus owns the copyright to that passage,

Oh man, that cracks me up! Where does she come up with those knee-slappers? Ahhh, I feel a bit better already. Still, though my wounds have been salved, I need to know that someone will seek justice in this horrible imbroglio!

I've emailed the Times for comment, and will report as I get any information.

PHEW! Megan's on the case. I can rest easy now. I'm sure, what with her tenacity and dedication, McGruff will ensure that justice prevails.

I just hope she doesn't get too distracted from her vital work of telling us useless crap and make "gee-whiz" comments about the economy. Oh good, looks like we're safe there, too.

PS Don't visit her main site. The idiot has a really annoying video for a Foreman Grill rip-off up that plays automatically when you go to her blog. I think, since she's realized that abject incompetence won't do it alone, she is now intentionally trying to annoy her readers away. After all, the fewer people that visit her blog, the fewer the emails she gets informing her of her failures and thus the less work she has to do. Everyone wins!

UPDATE:Case closed! No one escapes McArdle's crack detective work.

Humor 101

Megan just doesn't get it, or, I must assume, anything else either.

Every time I see one of these things, I wonder.  Who the hell makes them up?  And why?  What do you get from passing your mediocre musings off as the work of a long-dead revolutionary?

So, Mlle. McArdle, you get no satisfaction from passing off your musings for money?

To what "mediocre musings" is she referring? None, really. Not "musings" at all, but an amusingly clever prank that may have put the fear of social justice in a few "traders." 

Laura of 11D says this quote is making the rounds of Wall Street.

Owners of capital will stimulate the working class to buy more and more of expensive goods, houses and technology, pushing them to take more and more expensive credits, until their debt becomes unbearable. The unpaid debt will lead to bankruptcy of banks, which will have to be nationalised, and the State will have to take the road which will eventually lead to communism.

Karl Marx, Das Kapital, 1867

Megan wasn't quite sure what to make of this ("technology" was a good give-away for me) but after what appeared to be (Gasp!) research on her part & a memory-probe 15 yrs. into her mind, plus blather,* her only conclusion was "What's anybody get out of this?"

A. Good. Laugh, you poor humorless wretch. 

*Megastats: 22 lines by Megan, eight lines quoted. 

Welcome Back to Obvious Land

She's tired today, so it's back to only posting the mindlessly obtuse mixed with the blatantly obvious:

Round 1:

After scrubbing my house from top to bottom after the move, the skin is literally peeling off my hands from all the chemicals. This has made me think about getting a steam cleaner,

Being a chemist and all, I had this problem, too. Then one of my lab-mates pointed out this little box of blue rubber things that are shaped like hands.

Her defense in comments is that she's allergic to latex. Is there a malady from which she doesn't suffer? I sure hope they invent some other kind of thin and elastic material soon.

She moves on:

Second bleg is for a friend, who wants a nice digital camcorder that can double as a webcam. Not super-extravagent, just solid and easy to use. Any suggestions?

Oh, yeah, I have a suggestion. It's called Goo-fucking-gle, you lazy idiot.

Round 2:

A link to an article about plastic boobs getting lost at sea. Tee. Hee.

Round 3:

This New York Times article suggests that doctor arrogance is a significant cause of medical error.
(...)
What I want to know is whether disruptive doctors actually account for a notable percentage of medical errors. I'm sure if you surveyed doctors, 20% or so could report an error caused by a lazy LPN, incompetent PA, or pigheaded nurse. But I'm skeptical that "nurse pigheadedness" is actually a major problem that America's healthcare system needs to address.

Hmm, well, for starters: it seems pretty fucking obvious that competence might have something to do with, well, competence (To me, anyway). But then, for the truly dense, the New York Times goes out and wastes fucking time to show just that. And yet, somehow, our muse is still skeptical. I guess when you put all your blind faith in the "free market" it's difficult to have any leftover for anything else, like, say, faith that human decency is an inherently good thing....

Working Hard or... OMG.. I'm Starting to Sound like HER!

I wanna be informed, let's see what Megan says today!!!!

It's 4pm ET, surely she's pumped out some inspiring piece by now. First up:
The inauguration cometh:

As many as four million people may crowd the mall at inauguration. That sound you hear is 600,000 DC residents dialing Travelocity to make travel plans elsewhere.

Meanwhile, the exciting local question is: do you or don't you rent out a room, or your whole house? The answer for me is easy: my landlord would kill me. But those in larger buildings or houses can attract hundreds of dollars a night for their room--it looks to be pretty easy to make a couple of month's rent during inauguration week.

Wow, I didn't realize that a lot of people would want to see Obama's inauguration! On top of that, how genius of her to point out that a large influx of people would strain lodging demand. I'm sure all of those people who live in large houses are definitely going to open their doors to strangers just to make a couple hundred bucks (which apparently covers mortgage payments on large houses these days).

Ohh, next she asks the thrilling question, "Should WebMD be illegal?"
I bet the answers is "yes!" but let's see what she says:

What most of us already knew . . . reading about drug side effects makes you sick. So does reading about diseases. But as long as it's there, we won't be able to resist checking whether that brain tumor is acting up again.

Oh, drat, she didn't say. Well, I'm going to stick with "yes!"

I'm so glad our giving muse was able to find the strength to forgo the lucrative career that she was never actually offered so that she could tell us these important things. I do worry though. Does she still have enough money to buy new clothes so that she can hold her head up? I'd hate to think that she might spent another 18 months being unable to get a new cardigan.

Here We Go Again, and Again, and Again

She repeats herself so much, she's making me repeat myself. Should I even bother pointing this shit out anymore?

One of today's "writings" is titled "What's sauce for the goose . . ." which is such a classic that a search of her posts for that phrase yields fifteen hits and two of those are other posts with the exact same title. Keep in mind that any search of Megan's blog that doesn't include 16 misspelled and/or mis-punctuated variants is assured to yield but a small fraction of the actually usage.

Megan McArdle, making the word cliche, well, cliche.

The Hits Just Keep on Coming!

...and now she admits to being too stupid to put together a box she got from Ikea.

Yes, she not only wasted money on a fucking box from Ikea, but she apparently can't even assemble it.

Puts a whole new spin on the -blanking- your way out of a paper bag joke.

This woman can't even blog her way into an Ikea made box.

<rimshot>

Bonus "She's not as clever as she thinks she is":

My life's ambition is to never again put together an Ikea product. I have not yet reached that halcyon plane of existence, and perhaps never will.

A search of her blog for the word "halcyon" yields over a dozen hits. GOD, WHAT A FUNNY WORD!!!!!!

Drawing Comparisons so that We Don't Have To

Megan recounts this typical conversation:

Megan: So, the financial crisis. What the hell?
Smart economist: Yeah, that's what I'm titling my next paper.

Notice how she differentiates herself from her theoretical interviewee by using the descriptors "smart" and "economist." Even she knows that she's neither.

Oh, Jane, You're so Modest

Pat yourself on the back, hun:

My first internet bon mot was Jane's Law: the devotees of the party in power are smug and arrogant. The devotees of the party out of power are insane.

WOW! That is quite the "good word" as the French say. Why, it's catching on so fast that a Google search of "Jane's Law" lands a monstrous 1,430 hits. I'm sure the fact that, of the first 30 or so links, all but one have nothing to do with what she said or are links to janegalt.net is just a... typographical error or something.

Someone should email Google about the error in their code.

God, She's Such an Idiot

I present to you, in full, "All sugars are equal, but some are more equal than others":

I've long been skeptical of the claim that high fructose corn syrup was especially evil; too many of these diet claims are the nutritional equivalent of "electromagnetic fields are giving me cancer!" But Derek Lowe makes a convincing case that it's at least possible.

First, we get the usual idiotic and uncapitalized title. Note to Megan: Taking some completely irrelevant well-known phrase and replacing one the words in it with what you're writing about does not produce a clever title. At all. Just stop. For the love of fucking God, just stop!

Then, she goes on to compare the belief that fructose is worse than sugar to the belief that electromagnetic fields cause cancer. Where to begin? Let's start by asking "How stupid do you have to be to flippantly dismiss that your body weight might be affected by THE FUCKING SHIT YOU PUT IN YOUR MOUTH?!?!?!?!" After we've asked that, let's go on to point out that electromagnetic fields don't exist. There are electric fields and there are magnetic fields, but there are no electromagnetic fields. Assuming she meant electromagnetic radiation, well, she's still being stupid. EM radiation encompasses all forms of light. That includes, among others things, X-rays, Ultra-violet light, microwaves and gamma rays. Those are just some of the kinds of EM radiation that CAUSE FUCKING CANCER.

As you were.

Megan McArdle, Your Source for What Matters Most

Ohhhhhhhh, Biden's in trouble!!!!!!

Someone was around to hear him be all like "When the stock market crashed, Franklin Roosevelt got on the television and didn't just talk about the princes of greed. He said, 'look, here's what happened.'"

But then Megan, who's all like wicked smart and totally knows everything was all like "Pffft, you're so STOOOPID. They didn't even HAVE television when that happened."

No word on Biden's response, but one assumes it was along the lines of "No, YOU'RE DA STUPID ONE! They DID SO have TV then. They used it to film the dinosaurs and John McCain's college years!!!!"

Thus, Biden secures the crucial "school yard" vote.

Oh yeah, insert joke about the queen of typos, misinformation etc calling someone out on an obvious misspeak here.

Libertarians are the Funniest People Ever

Mr. Speederdorf makes an appearance again in our little corner of the crap-o-sphere, and Megan chuckles approvingly.

The dork to end all dorks decides to do one better than David Letterman and make a "top eleven" list.

Being unoriginal in a format so monumentally unoriginal is a task in and off itself, but the sheer nonsense that this idiot thinks is a joke is mindboggling:

Top 11 Things That Will Change in the Post 2008 Economy

Oh, God, you can smell the superior libertarian bullshit from a mile away. Some highlights:

10) Ben Bernanke's new bathroom reading: Ron Paul position papers.

Riiiiiighhhttt..... cause Ron Paul was all totally prescient here, and I'm sure his plan to destroy all regulations of any kind what-so-ever would have immediately stopped the bankers from running around taking absurd risks with other people's money without a second thought to the repercussions. Nothing makes you more responsible than knowing that no one is watching. That's why so many banks use the "honor system" for their withdrawals.

9) In updated version of Monopoly, bank no longer makes error in your favor, whichever player has the car must pay $200 gasoline surcharge when passing Go and all the houses -- now peach-pink in color and branded KB Homes -- are held in collective by a massive Chinese investment fund.

Brevity is your friends, Conor. Also your friend, fresh air, females and not following bullshit, self-centered and narrow ideologies that no one with a trace of compassion or an iota of common sense pays any attention to (other than to mock).

7) Sensing that color photos strike false chord during a Depression, National Geographic returns to publishing in black and white.

WTF?!?!??! What in the hell does National Geographic have to do with the economy? Why do I have the feeling that Conor only mentioned this because it's the only magazine he reads and it's just to see the tribal bare boobies?

5) Harvard remains filthy rich; alumni inexplicably continue to give it money.

Um, so I guess the implication here is that Harvard is to blame for this mess. Or something. I don't know. This kid is seriously brain damaged. I think he's another blogger that Megan links to just to make herself look better.

3) Cloning ban overturned to create army of Alan Greenspans.

While Harvard takes all the blame, apparently Conor thinks the man who resided over the entire track laying for this monumental train wreck is just who should be called on to fix it. What's next, suggesting we just need more strong leaders like George W. Bush to get us all straightened out?

1) Lender of last resort: Oprah.

Right, and the corollary to that, I suppose is "Comedian of last resort: Conor Friedersdorf."

This kid's mom really needs to take his computer away before he hurts someone with his poisonous "wit"

There She Goes Again

Oh, Megan, I love when you break out the classics.

As traders like to say, "the markets can stay foolish longer than you can stay solvent".

Here's a screen shot of the search results for "you can stay solvent" in MM's posts. Given her propensity for making typos, this may not be an authoritative list.

The Halt Pimping for the Blind

A reading suggestion from Megan.

Did this Jeff Goldberg catch her doing something awful on the premises of The Atlantic? Is he related to the infamous Jonah Goldberg?

Did it actually take Jeffrey & Jennie Rothenberg Gritz to write four crappy e-mail spoofs? At least he credited her, though the ulterior motive may been to spread the blame.

WARNING! DANGER!

The authorities at Fire Megan McArdle would like to pass on the following public service announcement:

Beware of blog posts that fraudulently claim to offer you a "Morning Smile"

Several unsuspecting Americans have contacted the FMM authorities to report one Megan McArdle (who is not an employee of Fire Megan McArdle, despite persistent rumors to the contrary) is posting videos on her blog "Asymmetrical Information" under the above mentioned heading. We believe her plan is to attempt to get readers to view the video embedded into said blog post thinking that they would be viewing something entertaining. The truth is, the video contains a disturbingly unfunny clip of a man (or possible women, FMM has been unable to verify) pretending to cry in distress about the attacks ads recently posted by the McCain campaign against Barack Obama.

We warn you that said clip is nauseating and not at all clever. Some claim that this is evidence of McArdle's completely skewed sense of humor (a phenomenon that has been thoroughly document by FMM before) but there is a second opinion held by respected FMM authorities. High ranking members of FMM fear something more nefarious is at foot.

Said authorities believe that McArdle's post is an attempt to weaken potential readers of her blog. Her idea may be to intentionally present something stupid and annoying that is not her own work at the start of the day. This tactic is designed to leave readers of her later blog posts inured to stupid and annoying ideas. Such inoculation to idiocy and cruelty is designed to make McArdle's own moronic and evil ideas look intelligent and benevolent by comparison.

FMM has assembled a full investigative team to look into this issue. Until a conclusion can be reached we highly recommend that McArdle's blog be avoided at all costs. If it cannot be avoided, we warn you NOT TO CLICK any embedded video or to read anything that McArdle calls funny, says will make you smile, or otherwise endorses in the name of entertainment.

Your brain may be at stake. Reading such poorly thought-out and inhumane posts as those provide by McArdle is not recommended for most people. FMM are trained professionals hand selected for their ability to resist dumb and self-centered ideas. Do not attempt at home!

Sincerely,

NutellaonToast

Director of Long Winded Curse Filled Vitriolic Rants
Fire Megan McArdle Inc.