This One Doesn't Even Have Guns

Breaking News! Leaked transcripts of secret NBC discussions regarding Olympic coverage:

NBC Executive: Should we play women's gold medal hockey today or women's cross country skiing?

Total Moron: Cross country. Nothing's more exciting than that.

NBC Executive: Well, you're the brains of this outfit. Let's do it!

I knew it!

USA!

So the women's hockey team will be fighting for the gold in a few days, as they usually do. Women's soccer is also a sport at which America excels.

Though it's only two data points, I wonder if this is perhaps because women have more equality here in certain regards? I have no idea how other quantifiables line up, like income disparity and such, but I find the dominance in those two sports interesting. The soccer is especially note worthy, given our general mediocrity in the men's field.

Anyone have anything to add?

Remember This Fucker?

Back in the day when he blogged for Teh Atlantik (and we weren't terminally lazy), we used to make fun of Fatty-Y a bit. I came across this short little bit of idiocy via LGM and it makes me just want to slap that stupid fucker up and down the playing surface of your god damn choice.

America The Beautiful
One of the things that’s great about the United States is that we have the ability to sometimes casually beat other people at their beloved national sports—speed skating, hockey, whatever, we put up a good fight in everything. On to the world cup!

Canadians will have to console themselves with their efficient and equitable health care system.

I really hope that the problem here is that Matt identifies more with sports that use round balls and so has not watched much hockey. I did not see the game (thanks NBC!) but when you win 5-3 while being outshot ~46-22, you're not really eligible for bragging rights. Certainly not when you do it in the round robin.

And what is this "speed skating as a beloved national sport" shit? Who the fuck has speed skating as a beloved national sport? Who the fuck thinks that Americans are the perennial underdog? WTF is wrong with this stupid, doughy fucker?

I'm all for the Olympics and all, but if you want to use as a metaphor for our geopolitical actions, I have a better one that us unexpectedly going faster on ice than the Norwegians. How about; We spend shit tons of money on useless crap like bobsledding and biathlon and then get all happy-crappy cause, hey, the richest, 3rd most populous country in the world wins stuff! Go us! We're so talented.

Meanwhile, we can't spend a damn dime to alleviate the suffering of millions of people who can't even fathom the Olympics and their grandiose waste and misplaced sense of importance. OK, that's not really a metaphor, but Matt Ygelsias is not really intelligent enough to write, either, so we're square.

In the US, even our national sense of importance is better than in other countries!

EWE-ESS-AY!