Monday, February 22, 2010

Remember This Fucker?

Back in the day when he blogged for Teh Atlantik (and we weren't terminally lazy), we used to make fun of Fatty-Y a bit. I came across this short little bit of idiocy via LGM and it makes me just want to slap that stupid fucker up and down the playing surface of your god damn choice.

America The Beautiful
One of the things that’s great about the United States is that we have the ability to sometimes casually beat other people at their beloved national sports—speed skating, hockey, whatever, we put up a good fight in everything. On to the world cup!

Canadians will have to console themselves with their efficient and equitable health care system.
I really hope that the problem here is that Matt identifies more with sports that use round balls and so has not watched much hockey. I did not see the game (thanks NBC!) but when you win 5-3 while being outshot ~46-22, you're not really eligible for bragging rights. Certainly not when you do it in the round robin.

And what is this "speed skating as a beloved national sport" shit? Who the fuck has speed skating as a beloved national sport? Who the fuck thinks that Americans are the perennial underdog? WTF is wrong with this stupid, doughy fucker?

I'm all for the Olympics and all, but if you want to use as a metaphor for our geopolitical actions, I have a better one that us unexpectedly going faster on ice than the Norwegians. How about; We spend shit tons of money on useless crap like bobsledding and biathlon and then get all happy-crappy cause, hey, the richest, 3rd most populous country in the world wins stuff! Go us! We're so talented.

Meanwhile, we can't spend a damn dime to alleviate the suffering of millions of people who can't even fathom the Olympics and their grandiose waste and misplaced sense of importance. OK, that's not really a metaphor, but Matt Ygelsias is not really intelligent enough to write, either, so we're square.

In the US, even our national sense of importance is better than in other countries!

EWE-ESS-AY!

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

Geez, Nutella, a bit brittle, even for you.

What's got sand in your vag THIS time?

Someone somewhere is having fun doing something you don't enjoy, so naturally they hate the poor. Last I checked, olympic development and training is privately funded--and the funds themselves are raised by the sports' respective federations. Not taking money away from the suffering millions--unless you want to drag a rake across companies you probably patronize...

Wah-fucking-wah.

"Who the fuck has speed skating as a beloved national sport?"

The Dutch.

NutellaonToast said...

I love hockey.

And fuck the Dutch.

Look, for the 8-millionth time, I love to exaggerate.

Ellen said...

Oh, c'mon -- this is just crazy out of line. I'm not MY's biggest fan, but he's just having a bit of fun. This isn't exaggeration, this is just crazy. Lighten up, Francis.

NutellaonToast said...

And maybe the part that I didn't make clear is that I don't hate the Olympics. I think they're very fun. I just think that it's annoying how people use it to further all these myths about America and it's awesomeness. If anything, it shows how fucking warper our priorities can be. This is not unique to America, but still. I just get annoyed with the implicit nationalism in posts like that.

NutellaonToast said...

I'm calmer than you are, dude.

Anonymous said...

Nutella, why do you hate America?

Ken Houghton said...

Speed skating became a Beloved National Sport because Colbert Nation is sponsoring it. I Am America and So Can You!

The only great winter sport is, of course, the National Sport of Canada. And I cite A Famous SF Writer (well, Michael Swanwick, who appears to have taken down the post) for concurrence.

Morbo said...

Did he seriously write that post and hit the publish button with "___(verb)___" still in there? Sweet manatee from Galilee, he rivals MM.