If Wishes Were Horses We'd All Be Eating Steak

I keep letting Mr Troll bully me back into the land of the self-centered and dum, and it hurts me. I need to stand up for myself.

I would love to hear the TSA's side of this--and see the whole video.

I'd love to see her -- from her position of mild import -- champion a cause not centered around her relatively minor inconvenience. I wonder whose wish will be granted first.

Bonus Fun: Sometimes I fantasize about violence, but I keep it awesome.

Whatever

Cats are always cool in a crisis because they just don't care about your problems.

Best Typo Ever

"In the greatest movie of all the ages it appears that GMO popcorn and high-fructose corn syrup licorice are going to be replaced by the best food ever."

That will almost certainly be a box office smash.

Horrifying Skulls Also Need Love

My latest FB friend. True Story.

Waaaaaaaahooooooooo

Look, a totally famous blogger put me in her random collage video, so now I'm totally famous.

Also, here's a picture of a libertarian making a sandwich.


Yum. Sandwich.

All His Friends Were Doing It

He has accomplished more than most men...

Our Children Are Being Ravaged... Burn Down the McDonalds

It occurred to me this morning that the war on Southwest Islamistan has proven nicely that even the hippies were only acting in their own self interest.

But it's ok. Activism is still going strong. The UC students walked out this week over the tragic loss of the rugby team. They reported that they liked it outside on a nice day without class.

Catch!

genius

Skinny Jeans Are The New Leggings

I was into Democracy back before it went all corporate.

I'm Moving Forward Like a Receding Hairline

Memory lane time, I guess, as I wandered over to Fatty Y's for the first time in ages:

It’s great that the violence is way down from its high ebb

No one ever says ebb except as in "ebb and flow" and this fucker STILL can't figure out its meaning.

Oh, and shit-face, the concept you're looking for is called "reversion to the mean." That and six more words would have replaced your entire post.

Ladies and gentlemen, the intellectual driving force of the modern left.

Megan Has Died of Dysentary

Megan's super important QUOTE OF THE DAY:

"When the people who built this country got bitten by bedbugs, they didn't go whining the the nanny state for a chemical fix. They scratched." ~ Mark Kleiman

Tell it to your inhaler, you idiot.

UPDATE:

Oh I had forgotten how many nuggets a quick perusal of her blog yields. On computer instability:

I've done all the obvious things--not only tried new browsers, but uninstalled all my add-ons, cleared my cache, even switched computers (which didn't help). I just lost a post that I spent two hours writing, and this isn't the first time it happened--yet it's something that virtually never used to happen to me.

Hmmm, did you try holding down the control key while pressing the "S" key? The one in the lower left and right labelled "Ctrl." "S" is in the middle on the left hand side...

The Pot Slave is Also a Good One

My boy Zach VandeZande, who's a writer that I first found out about through AHPT, has fun Facebook statuses:

Zach VandeZande may have told his students a parable that ended with a four-year-old Columbian girl saying "Daddy, why are we so poor?" and the father answering, "Because, dear, there are students in America who need coffee so that they can get up early enough to take an elective creative writing class.”

Which is the kind of brilliant shit that makes me swear that one day I'll eventually buy something he made. (Crap, sorry man.)

But it occurred to me that even that was not taking it far enough, so I told him that "I like the slaves that pick my bananas the best. Bananas are REALLY easy to eat!"

Slavery: Because we couldn't have a ton of useless crap if it weren't dirt cheap!

One of the Best

Wanted: Make out partner (quick session)

Date: 2010-08-12, 11:41AM PDT
Reply to: gigs-vaevp-1895108853@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]

Hey there,

I'm just looking for a nice girl for a quick half-hour/hour make out session. About me, I'm 33 yo, 5'10, 210 lbs, easy going, educated and just an overall good guy.

If you're interested, drop me a line with pics, a description about yourself, your availability and your location. Thanks so much and hope to hear from you soon.

Emphasis Mine.

Late

Late to the party, as usual, but as a Jew let me just say that if I were in charges of Israel's cruise missiles I'd shove them straight up the ADL's ass.

Then I'd say that while legally it may not be allowable to act like that, morally it was the right thing to do.

My New Career

Megan's stupid. I've decided to become an internet sensation instead of worrying about her. Here's my first go at it. I'm pretty sure it will be the most popular video on the internet in a few hours.

A Brand New Low

It takes an astoundingly bad comic to strip off all of the sympathy from the scene of a young dog being struck by a pick up truck. What, in God's name, is happening in panel 2? Invisible bicycle?

Sweet

ur doin it rong

Get Me Everybody

A blog from the city of my alma batter has the best take on the Arizona crap-a-doodle I've seen:

I propose relocating the entire population of Puerto Rico to Arizona. Remember, Puerto Ricans, as citizens of a U.S. Territory, are citizens of the United States... even though they're brownish and speak some crazy fast moon people language. That's almost 4,000,000 (well, not "immigrants" and certainly not "illegal"... so "migrants" or "commuters", I suppose) to perplex and confound state police.

And go ahead and read the whole thing, ydoncha.

A Big Picture of What?

Really Matt?

I think fan fiction is exciting.

Not the example with which I'd have ran... but ok...

update Sometimes, I think Glenn Greenwald is shrill. Other times, I wish that I were gay too and that gay people were treated like people people so that Glenn and I could marry.

It looks like Ross Douthat picked the wrong month to try to pretend that threat-induced censorship is a uniquely Islamic practice

Let's Go to the Video Tape

Shocking developments. America has received private word from a confidential inside source that when you decide to invade an entire fucking country, you sometimes end up shredding civilians to pieces.

AP has independently confirmed this reports with important people close to the situation.

Duh and no fucking shit could not be reached for comment before press time, but various logical fallacies, moral deficiencies, and completely predictable occurrences noted that "America is a retarded, self interested child who shows remorse only when caught covered in chocolate standing next to the shattered jar."