Wednesday, November 25, 2009

I Hope You Heal Up Real Quick

25 Nov 2009 12:49 pm

Holiday Moderation

Ezra Klein has a nice column on how you might keep yourself from overeating this Thanksgiving.  I cannot actually recommend my current strategy, which is to get bilateral un-crowned root canals1, so that you have to spend the next three weeks eating only foods which are squishy.  But it does seem to be working.

1 Before you start in with the inevitable aspersions on my oral hygeine, they resulted from two prior fillings which shrank away from the tooth, letting bacteria underneath. After all my teeth are repaired, I am going to track down the dentist who did both fillings and give him a sound lashing* with my portable waterpik.

Poor Megan expects her comment crew to attack her oral hygeine. Maybe this is the libertarian version of self-criticism: They all sit in a circle & accuse each other of failing at personal responsibility.

*Elements of Style©: Is the imaginary "lashing" from this? Stop mixing metaphors. Please.

Just for starters, one can't "lash" anyone w/ a solid object. A lashing w/ the cord from her Waterpik® would at least have made sense. And I do sympathize, having had a couple of older fillings fall out completely. So "track down" & sue the bastard dentist, or don't. But don't threaten him or her w/ mixed-up passive-aggressive metaphors.


Mendacious D said...

Perhaps a mashing with an immersion blender would be in order?

M. Bouffant said...

Now we'll be wishing for an immersion of anything electric in the bath.

Clever Pseudonym said...

Christ. I don't need Ezra Klein to give me tips on how not to overeat on a holidy intended for overeating.

I suppose I should expect it by now, given the rampant narcissism she displays on a daily basis, but why in the hell would Megan seriously think anyone besides her dentist gives a shit about the state of her dental health?

Unknown said...

She's still pissed off that her commenters had the audacity to suggest that she could take additional steps to ensure her bike didn't get stolen several times a year.

You know, the libertarian approach to petty theft.