Monday, August 30, 2010

The Pot Slave is Also a Good One

My boy Zach VandeZande, who's a writer that I first found out about through AHPT, has fun Facebook statuses:

Zach VandeZande may have told his students a parable that ended with a four-year-old Columbian girl saying "Daddy, why are we so poor?" and the father answering, "Because, dear, there are students in America who need coffee so that they can get up early enough to take an elective creative writing class.”
Which is the kind of brilliant shit that makes me swear that one day I'll eventually buy something he made. (Crap, sorry man.)

But it occurred to me that even that was not taking it far enough, so I told him that "I like the slaves that pick my bananas the best. Bananas are REALLY easy to eat!"

Slavery: Because we couldn't have a ton of useless crap if it weren't dirt cheap!

Monday, August 23, 2010

Shorter Megan

The Romance of Teaching:

Susan has handled the meat of this post, I'd just like to point to and chortle at Jane Galt writing the following;

What blows me away about this, beyond the obvious--20 years?--is that an educated person spent that 20 years reading romance novels. All bad genre fiction is formulaic, of course, but...
but she's an elitist and prefers Ayn Rand glibberish, or Proust, of course. Megan clearly enjoys having her intellect challenged. (Just in case Megan reads this, I'm not mocking Proust there.)

Forecasters on Stimulus:

This is one of those posts that amount to genius work in psych-ops. Megan, who we all know has gotten every major issue of her lifetime wrong, does not believe in listening to the carefully researched predictions of trained experts who show a remarkable degree of agreement because they do not mesh with her ideological biases have not always been right.
You see, in order to learn from making mistakes, you have to make as many of them as possible and build up a critical mass. Megan and Bill Kristol are on a race to enlightenment which will revolutionize human evolution.
It's brilliant tho, because the proper response to a post like this from a person like Megan is an incoherent stream of profanities, which she can safely ignore as mean and uncouth and just not how civil Villagers do it.

Shorter Douthat

Roger Clemens went back in time and made Mickey Mantle be an alcoholic in the 50s, ruining baseball for Billy Crystal and Bob Kostas forever.

Sunday, August 22, 2010


this is the only half-decent poem I've ever written. The end changes every time I look at it, tho.

I threw my shit at a wall,
and it stuck.
So I made a career out of it.
Every day, 9 to 5, throwing shit at a wall.

Eventually, flies found the wall.
Their buzzing annoyed me at first,
but then I found a way to make them
part of my job.

For every hundred flies I managed to kill
by smothering with shit,
I got a cookie.

More time passed, and my wall became a hill.
The hill smelled so badly it attracted tourists.
"Gosh darn, Jim Bob,
ever seen something like this before?"
"Surely haven't, Sue Bob."

Now, the hill is becoming a mountain.
And I'm beginning to wonder,
how will this shit get cleaned up?

Dunno why, just felt like sharing.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Let's Have A War! And Maybe Another One, Too!

We're sure McArdle fans have seen the ginandtacos item wherein Mlle. McA.'s firm beliefs vis-a-vis the invasion & continuing occupation of Iraq are deservedly mocked.

Settling for scraps, I went to the source, & noted this bit that no one else I've read has yet mentioned.

Thus, Eric Alterman is enabled to claim that the cost to the US taxpayer will be over $2t, even though most of the larger costs cited by Galbraith aren't going to be borne by Americans either directly or indirectly, but by Iraqi oil.6 That's the oil that will be able to flow freely for the first time in ten years because of this war -- and the revenue from which will flow to the Iraqi people for the first time in a decade.
The footnote:
6 Am I suggesting that the Iraqis should pay for occupation expenses? Nope. We can afford it, and there's something repellent about making impoverished Iraqis pay for a war foisted on them by an evil dictator. But most of that $2t, if it is any sort of a real number, will be stuff for Iraqis: roads, schools, hospitals, government buildings, power plants and sewers and all the good stuff that lets us live like citizens of the 21st century. That stuff should come out of Iraqi oil revenues.
Our emphases. She knows from "real" numbers, doesn't she? And how's all that "get the oil money to the Iraqi people" worked out, seven yrs. into the occupation? More electricity, to run all the "good stuff?" Well, no.

What a horrid, awful, fucking bitch. From what dark, disturbed part of her ugly mind did something like: "there's something repellent about making impoverished Iraqis pay for a war foisted on them by an evil dictator" come? Foisted on them? Or is she referring to Bush when she types "evil dictator?" The "foisting" was done by people like her, stenographers for the unelected gov't. of the usurper Bush.

Elements of Style©: How could a graduate of Podunk State Normal School, let alone an English major from Penn, type "stuff" twice, & "good stuff" once, in any context, let alone in two sentences?

And an outro from DougJ at Balloon Juice:
Doubt this will make it into Conor Friedersdorf’s li'l round-up of mistaken Iraq War predictions.
Probably not. Fuck Friedersdorf, & the horse he rode in on. Remember this?
Tell us, Friedersdork (He really shouldn't type under his own name.) how's that True/Slant site where you used to type working out for ya? We still exist. You got fucked by a corporation. Learned anything yet?

If he's still on the "under your own name" thing (What possible difference does it make? Malignant Bouffant isn't anyone else's name, & it bloody well is my own name.) he can shoot me a fucking email, we'll meet somewhere, & just before I cram his teeth down his throat, I'll let him know what my legal name is, & who's a "coward."

(Really, what is he talking about? Should I reveal my legal name, address, 'phone # & other contact info to prove something? Something along the lines of how many hateful lunatics read McArdle & would try something physical if they knew where to find me? What's your address, Conor, if that's your own name? It isn't, of course, it's his parents name for him, & like the pathetic sheep he is, he accepts it, along w/ the conventional wisdom he swallows whole. Asswipe.)

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Random Open Question/Rant

since I can't find out for myself via a quick and lazy googling, does anyone know if the (not at) Ground Zero (not a) mosque of so much debate is going to include an actual mosque, with an Imam and services, or if this just prayer space in an otherwise mixed use space cultural center? It's not an entirely loaded question, I remember reading that the mosques already in the area are small and overcrowded, so it would be serving an actual need by holding services, but I don't know if it's going to. If it is just providing prayer space to meet the call at the proper times that makes a building a mosque then suddenly there are mosques all over the city, and I can say with near certainty, which is to say without checking, that under our newly expanded definition the Towers themselves were mosques. The church at my boarding school was an unquestionable mosque, it housed services for the tiny number of Muslims attending.
I realize this is a very small part of the many layers of stupidity necessary to find issue with this planned project, but I still marvel and wonder at the idea that housing any kind of Islamic religious services in a building automatically makes it a mosque. I'd ask if roughly half our hospitals are now going to be considered churches by movement conservatives, but they'd just respond with that cringe inducing "I don't know if Islam really is a religion" crap as an excuse for this obvious indication of prejudice and outright fucking stupidity. I think I'm going to go to the planned protest on 9/11 and remind myself how ugly humanity can be. Plus I haven't seen Newt Gingrich speak downtown since the first NYC Tea Party. I have to practice scowling tho, they could smell me last time because I was smiling and laughing the whole time.

Friday, August 13, 2010

One of the Best

Wanted: Make out partner (quick session)

Date: 2010-08-12, 11:41AM PDT
Reply to: [Errors when replying to ads?]

Hey there,

I'm just looking for a nice girl for a quick half-hour/hour make out session. About me, I'm 33 yo, 5'10, 210 lbs, easy going, educated and just an overall good guy.

If you're interested, drop me a line with pics, a description about yourself, your availability and your location. Thanks so much and hope to hear from you soon.
Emphasis Mine.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Random Comment Of The Day

so I'm bored and reading the "I quit" stories in the comments of this lil piece about a JetBlue attendant who escaped an abusive passenger at the tarmac by activating and going down the emergency inflatable slide, and what do I see? This;

My Last straw was when Obama got elected, I can’t stand socialism, the government keeps stealing my money to give to my neighbor and I’m tired of it. I got so tired of it that I went around the office and asked for $5.00 from each person, they asked me why I needed the money, I said my car payment was due.
— kerry
I wish they'd had a blog address attached to their name, I really do.

Friendly Fire

Ladies and Gentlemen, even the liberal Paul Krugman:

Long ago — basically when I started writing for the Times — I decided that I would judge the character of politicians by what they say about policy, not how they come across in person. This led me to conclude that George W. Bush was dishonest and dangerous back when everyone was talking about how charming and reasonable he was. It led me to conclude that Colin Powell couldn’t be trusted, back when everyone said his UN speech clinched the case for war. It led me to conclude that John McCain was unprincipled and self-centered, back when everyone said he was a deeply principled maverick. And yes, it led me to conclude that Barack Obama was a good man, but far less progressive than his enthusiastic supporters imagined.

1) How convenient that the party he doesn't identify with is only run by bad people. Definitely judging on character there, guy.

2) While it is regrettable that Obama doesn't completely agree with Kruginator, he shares his party affiliation so he's a good man. He drops the good bombs. He tortures the good torture. He assassinates the good assassinations. He's the good kind of murdering sell out.

This is why I hate everyone now instead of just the right wing. Looking back, I have no fucking idea how it took me this long.

Sunday, August 8, 2010


It's simple, really:

I don't think there's anything wrong with Michelle Obama vacationing in Spain; they have the money, so why not?
Indeed. Nothing more to know or ask.
Yes, yes, I know--mean Republicans would make hay out of a vacation no matter where it was. Probably so. But no one would be much interested in those charges, while this does seem to have some grip. And while characters in novels may improve their lives immeasurably when they learn to stop worrying about what other people think and just be true to themselves, this is not a life path that is open to political figures.
I wish I had access to the economic knowledge that allows her to determine the relative effectiveness of "those charges" & the "this" that "does seem to have some grip."

Elements of Style©: And I wish she'd stop w/ using "grip" for "traction." You could all stop using "traction" in that context, as far as I'm concerned.

Cross-posted at Whiskey Fire, where I (A pathetic web log-pimp.) am guest-blogging this wk.

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Grudging Credit

I hate to admit it, but Megan got not one, but two issues more or less right in a single post.

Will Wilkinson names Michael Bloomberg "Hero of the day" for pointing out that there's no legal way to stop the Cordoba Initiative from using private property to house a mosque near Ground Zero. All I can say is, I'm glad to hear that Michael Bloomberg has suddenly discovered that there are some restrictions on the government's ability to dictate the uses of private property.

Update. No, I don't approve of the furor over the mosque; I understand why others are troubled by the symbolism, but it seems to be that the important bit of symbolism is that America does not collectively punish minority groups for the sins of a few members--no, not even in trivial ways.
Links and formatting not reinserted.
Now, yes, she does give the anti-mosque bigots a small nod, but at least she didn't use it as an excuse to again talk about how 9/11 happened to her, personally. And she got the Atlantic Yards issue right, amazingly. I assume it was for the wrong reasons, like her father being part of a competing plan for the area, but she's actually coming out against rich people being allowed to act as they please, I'm shocked.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010


Late to the party, as usual, but as a Jew let me just say that if I were in charges of Israel's cruise missiles I'd shove them straight up the ADL's ass.

Then I'd say that while legally it may not be allowable to act like that, morally it was the right thing to do.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

An Open Question

not to pick on Susan in comments below, at all, but when did getting high become a bad thing on the left?
Every time I read Balloon Juice or S,N! or any number of other places the commentariat, if not the bloggers themselves, are making cracks about wingnuts or glibertarians being high. Well, I'm often high when reading those things.
Y'know who else got high? George fucking Carlin. It's dirty fucking hippies who smoke pot. Most glibertarians got high once in high school and couldn't handle it, and now either do coke or, like Megan, some sort of prescription pill. Plus they mostly want legalization so they can create a new market and commodity to mentally masturbate with.
And, no, you're not "too mature" to get high now that you have a job/kids/a prison record, you chose to enter a situation which now, possibly, precludes it. Please stop pretending having done so makes you somehow more morally virtuous, thanks.

Monday, August 2, 2010

She Actually Fucking Did It

The BP Spill: How Bad Is It, Really?

I could just post the link and title and you know all you need to already about what she said. Basically, she's letting BP lie to her and is glad they are. Something like 2 billion million gallons of caustic, toxic dispersant along with many multiples more of oil are obviously no biggie. Us stoooooopid alarmists see, say, untold acres of already vanishing wetlands coated in tar balls and crude and think they're gonna die. Megan wonders if maybe they'll just turn into lil natural refineries and sell gas to fishermen.
However, it will turn into a catastrophe when gulf shrimp become prohibitively expensive just in time for cocktail party season.

And of course, even if the worst hasn't happened, the results of the spill have been quite horrible enough.
All Megan is doing is trying to remind a rape victim that they weren't also murdered, you've got to find that silver lining.

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Something Completely Random

It's possible you've seen it.