Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Failing at Life

I don't understand how you can be this fucking stupid and have gainful employment of any kind, let alone moderate notoriety and perceived authority.

Well, my fourth bike was stolen this morning, out of our backyard, which has a seven foot stockade fence around it. I have never managed to hold onto a bike more than six months in an urban environment--the previous two times, they left the bike lock, as if to taunt me with its inadequacy. I think I'm done with bike commuting. I'd rather just hand out $100 bills to random people on the street; at least I wouldn't be rewarding theft.

It wasn't an expensive bike, either; it was the cheapest hybrid available in my size. But the fact is, if you own a bike in this city, it will be stolen. I'm willing to brave weather and entitled motorists. But I'm sick of funding donations to the bike theft brigade.
I bet ten million fucking dollars she forgot to put her bike away behind her "seven foot stockade fence." It's prolly sitting outside the bar she drunkenly forgot it at right now, taunting her in real life as the left behind locks taunt her imagination. (As if the thieves would take with them a lock they know first-fucking-hand is inadequate.)

You don't lose a bike every six months ANYWHERE unless you're too fucking stupid to lock it up properly. I've lived in urban environs most of my life as well, and had bikes stolen only when I did something idiotic. How does she get her over-sized pants over her gargantuan ass every morning without falling down and getting a concussion?

brad adds:

It would have clashed with the decor for Megan to bring the bike inside the house she rents, which would obviously be worse than needing a new bike.


ezra klein said...

i stole the bike

Susan of Texas said...

She should have taken out a credit default swap if she knew it was going to be stolen.

clever pseudonym said...

The comments are the best part, where she responds to the dozens of suggestions about locking up bikes by claiming she had no other options but leaving it outside with a crappy lock. Everything bad that happens to her is never, ever, ever her own fault.

Susan of Texas said...

There was a structural problem within the bicycling system. Nothing can be done to stop the theft of your bike.

NutellaonToast said...

And even if you could, the costs would be too high. It's better to jsut never have a bicycle.

brad said...

There's a simple solution; tax people who have cheap bikes stolen to pay for replacements for expensive stolen bikes.
Of course, then Megan's cheap hybrid wouldn't be cheap.

Anonymous said...

It wasn't an expensive bike, either; it was the cheapest hybrid available in my size.

I smell bullshit. I'd wager that the bike was a brand name that she thought was cool. Oh, and she paid full retail. I like my odds.

NutellaonToast said...

She spent the night outside the bike shop waiting for it.