Thursday, August 7, 2008

Also, what's the point of trees?

Huge tracts of land: Graham Chapman called, and he says you make him glad he's dead, Megan. Thank Jebus you're too dull to get Bill Hicks.

Because I've always lived in cities, I don't even understand the utility of the big yards I see in the suburbs. I get the purpose of a yard for children and dogs to play in, and summers on the patio. But I don't get the point of the vast expanses of lawn that lie fallow in the more upscale suburbs. They require vast upkeep for the benefit of . . . looking at green, empty space. And the tradeoff seems to be a world where you can't get anywhere without driving and your neighbors are distant apparitions. Am I missing something? Or do others perceive features where I see bugs?
Now, there's a tiny sliver of a point here, in that man made and maintained lawns are generally not environmentally friendly. They require large amounts of fertilizer, pesticide, and water. They're not as bad as golf courses, but same basic problems.
That said, what the fuck? Megan thinks there is such a thing as too much green space? I have to admit, even in my experiences as a emigre from an upscale suburb to the urban expanses of NYC, I've never heard this gripe before. The problem with the suburbs is there's too much space, and too many plants. Shit, at times you can even convince yourself you're not in an artificially created landscape. And the privacy? The chance to go outside and not have thousands of eyes on you? Ewwwwwww, creepy. If I'm not constantly surrounded by the works of man I get scared, personally.
The idea of private space seems to frighten Megan. That makes sense. If she had to spend time alone, with herself, she might have to think about the kind of person she is. In the city there's always someone nearby to help socialize away self-awareness.


Susan of Texas said...

Can someone tell me why we like to look at plants??? I can't figure it out for myself. They are just green things that create neither supply nor demand. Milton Freeman would not approve.

clever pseudonym said...

She's right. Vast expanses of lawn that lie fallow in the suburbs should be paved over. Or even better, build condos or strip malls on them. That would look so much better than plush fields of green.

NutellaonToast said...

Yet another example of having the same point of view (suburbs are bad) and yet still making me think that she is a total moron.

I mean, seriously, who on earth doesn't understand the value of clean air and nature, even if it is a bit perverted?!?!?!?

This women is a robot.

NutellaonToast said...

Oh, and that's another Python reference. Fuck her with something sharp, square edged and covered in spikes.

brad said...

She also fucked up the quote.
It's "huge... tracts of land", innit.

Susan of Texas said...

You know she can't possibly understand Python, nutellaontoast. Her sense of humor is a dud. She probably thinks the Dead Parrot sketch is an example of a smart marketing ploy. And the Lumberjack Song is an anti-union song. And the Ministry of Silly Walks should be eliminated to stop government waste.

Anonymous said...

Why is a libertarian criticizing people's choices? She's supposed to love this sort of thing if it means Freedom, right?

I think she's supported much worse than lawns in the name of choice, free markets, etc.

M. Bouffant said...

Late to the game here, but the reason behind the big green front lawn of no purpose is that "back home" in Merrie Olde Limeyland, only filthy rich landowners could afford to have land that wasn't growing something that could be used/eaten. This way the Lord of the Manor could demonstrate what a pig he was.

In other words, it's a (now meaningless) status symbol. I'd bet that if Megan understood that she'd be all for it.