Wednesday, July 9, 2008


Them's the rules:

There are a lot of complaints about bicyclists blowing through stop signs/red lights while drivers have to sit there, fuming. Here's the thing: the traffic laws are there to protect you, and the other cars. They are not handed down by God from Mount Sinai. They have no moral content.
Neither, Megan, do you.
Obviously, in crowded traffic, bicyclists should obey the same traffic laws as the cars, and most do; those who don't, [sic] get no sympathy from me when they are killed or sued. Bicyclists should yield to pedestrians at crosswalks, and again, most do, mostly because we tend to get thrown from our bikes when we run into them.
Yep, Megan only tries not to run into people because it's inconvenient for her when it happens. Very polite.
Bicyclists do occasionally run into people and hurt them--though at least as often it's a case of one of those genius pedestrians on cell phones who dart out from between cars right when I'm passing by--but this is really rare. Even with the traffic laws, pedestrian deaths from automobiles are far, far more common. And a fast moving bicyclist crashing into a pedestrian is at least as likely to get hurt as the pedestrian, when their velocity hurls them off the bike and lets the ground exert its stopping power. The situations simply aren't parallel.
You see, it's the fault of all the people Megan has run into, not her fault. Despite the law, she doesn't automatically stop at a red light, and those idiot pedestrians who are using the crosswalk at a time designated for them should be watching out for her in case she's coming. Do you really expect her slow down and stop, as is legally required, just because cars are obstructing her view of potential pedestrians in her path? That's not morally required. Remember, Megan is an Expert in Expertise.
As for the people claiming that the roads were made for cars--well, actually, the roads I ride on were made for horses and trolleys and bicycles, not cars, which weren't invented when they were laid down.
Little known fact; every foot of public road in DC is cobblestone, dirt, or gravel, as they were prior to the invention of the horseless carriage which vexes Megan so.
Nor, as far as I can tell, are DC streets paid for by your gas taxes; they seem to be paid for by my tax dollars, which is pretty damn generous of me considering I don't even own a downtown sandwich shop.
You moved to DC last September, you asshole. "Your taxes" have probably paid for about a quarter of one filled pothole. How many of the horrible leech commuters are lifelong DC residents who moved out of the city for a family, or because they couldn't afford the rent in a decent area, Megan?


clever pseudonym said...

That last sentence you quoted is a doozy. The roads "seem to be paid for" by Megan's tax dollars? And it's pretty damn generous of her to pay them? Megan, it's not generosity to pay your taxes, you fucking idiot. It's the law. Try to go without extending this generosity and see where you wind up. I'll give you a hint: it's called "jail." And just what in the hell does owning a sandwich shop have to do with paving roads? Am I missing something for skipping the whole post and only reading Brad's shorters?

brad said...

The sandwich shop owners are, in Megan's mind, the only ones really benefiting from the commuter presence in DC because those government employees and NGO workers and think tank employees don't really contribute to the local economy, again, in Megan's mind. The original purpose of DC is apparently beside the point.

NutellaonToast said...

I love the examples of posts that I hate despite my staunch agreement with the basic premise.

Sigh. Megan could convince an Eskimo that salmon fishing is wrong simply by saying that she thought it was a god given right.