Tuesday, July 8, 2008

An Open Letter to Our Muse

Dear Ms. McArdle,

As things seem to be so terrible for the young urban vegan in our nation's capital...

While coming back from a completely fruitless trip to the grocery store (Why do you hate vegans, Giant? WHY?)...

[...]

This tells you just how competitive American markets are these days. Marketing is a cutthroat business, one in which, increasingly, no demographic is too small to avoid the blitz.

Except, apparently, DC vegans, for whom it is too much trouble to stock soy milk, seitan, and a little extra-firm tofu.
...may I invite you to join us on my side of the country. You can be damn sure that there are several brands of soy milk in each of the gargantuan supermarket chains, from Silk© to unusual, possibly even local brands. While I've no idea what "seitan" is (or Satan, for that matter) there is plenty of tofu available as well. And I speak of Kroeger-owned Ralphs, & Safeway-owned Vons & Pavilions. Mormon-owned Albertson's I'm not sure of, but they're a distant third in the SoCal area.

Between telecommuting & gigs at Reason, I'm sure you can keep yourself busy. Plenty of biking goes on here too.

What are you waiting for?

Sincerely,

M. "Chas." Bouffant

3 comments:

Clem said...

...and she can eat at Real Food Daily, daily, giggle nervously in WeHo and transfer her racial animus to the Mexicans. Win!!!1!!

spencer said...

Why would you want to encourage her to move out there, Malignant? Not that she will, of course, but still . . .

clever pseudonym said...

Yeah, M. Don't encourage her. We have enough of our own spoiled, self-entitled brats to contend with out here. I'll volunteer to send her care packages of tofu and other vegan-friendly foods monthly if it will keep her away.